Really moving piece, Eleanor. Thank you. I often think, as a divorced mother of two, who had to split custody 50/50 with their father, I went through a decade of tiny empty nest blows every second week as I saw them depart back to my ex after a week together. Still, of course, the grief and discombobulated state that floods in with the big, final departure is deeper, perhaps requires more emotional resilience, courage and adjustment. But divorced mothers sample the empty nest in smaller chunks earlier.
I already love what you do but writing this piece and quoting from The Prophet has made that even more ... this passage was read at my daughter’s naming ceremony after my wedding in 2005 (now divorced but that’s another topic!) and it made me so emotional to see it here - she’s just starting her second year at university as the first young person of our extended family to get to this point ... proud is an understatement. I’ve also got a 22yr old son who, similar to your friend, will never live independently and the difference between the two of them is stark at times... but I’ve found an amazing weekly boarding college for him now so he has, partly, left home. And I have some respite which is key to me now living my life on my terms as much as I can as a 55yr old Queenager. Thanks for doing what you do x
Thank you for this insightful article about becoming an empty nester. There is joy and grief as each cycle moves onto the next. I hope your grief reduces as you enjoy the new phase of your relationship with your daughters – and your husband!
I also have a differently abled daughter, though I hope she will be able to live independently in a few years. She is not going to university, and being on a different path from her peers is very hard. Our society continues to say that GCSE’s and university are the only acceptable path. But there are many other kids like my daughter, who have not gone to university for many excellent reasons, including the devastation Covid had on their education, and because they are not suited to that type of education. They the hidden generation. They all think they are alone, and did not make the grade. They also grieve.
But they are the core of our society. Many of them will take jobs that support university graduates as they become lawyers, writers, politicians etc. They will work on the farms, stack supermarket shelves, empty bins, sweep the streets, clean the office buildings, deliver our parcels. They may train as electricians, builders, car mechanics etc. They are indispensable to our society and should be recognised.
I’ve just dropped my son, my younger child off for his final year of uni and my daughter has just moved into a flat and started a first job after graduating this summer. Somehow this time feels so much more ‘empty nest’ than previously. Maybe because they’ve been so boomerangy what with Covid and well, just being students who come home in the holidays. But it suddenly feels so much more final this time. This last time of dropping one of them off at the beginning of a university year.
Many thanks for this. Love what you wrote. My babies are visiting the nest in two weeks for my seventieth birthday celebration - coming from three different states. So sweet and bittersweet. Sending you hugs on your journey.
Really moving piece, Eleanor. Thank you. I often think, as a divorced mother of two, who had to split custody 50/50 with their father, I went through a decade of tiny empty nest blows every second week as I saw them depart back to my ex after a week together. Still, of course, the grief and discombobulated state that floods in with the big, final departure is deeper, perhaps requires more emotional resilience, courage and adjustment. But divorced mothers sample the empty nest in smaller chunks earlier.
I already love what you do but writing this piece and quoting from The Prophet has made that even more ... this passage was read at my daughter’s naming ceremony after my wedding in 2005 (now divorced but that’s another topic!) and it made me so emotional to see it here - she’s just starting her second year at university as the first young person of our extended family to get to this point ... proud is an understatement. I’ve also got a 22yr old son who, similar to your friend, will never live independently and the difference between the two of them is stark at times... but I’ve found an amazing weekly boarding college for him now so he has, partly, left home. And I have some respite which is key to me now living my life on my terms as much as I can as a 55yr old Queenager. Thanks for doing what you do x
Thank you for this insightful article about becoming an empty nester. There is joy and grief as each cycle moves onto the next. I hope your grief reduces as you enjoy the new phase of your relationship with your daughters – and your husband!
I also have a differently abled daughter, though I hope she will be able to live independently in a few years. She is not going to university, and being on a different path from her peers is very hard. Our society continues to say that GCSE’s and university are the only acceptable path. But there are many other kids like my daughter, who have not gone to university for many excellent reasons, including the devastation Covid had on their education, and because they are not suited to that type of education. They the hidden generation. They all think they are alone, and did not make the grade. They also grieve.
But they are the core of our society. Many of them will take jobs that support university graduates as they become lawyers, writers, politicians etc. They will work on the farms, stack supermarket shelves, empty bins, sweep the streets, clean the office buildings, deliver our parcels. They may train as electricians, builders, car mechanics etc. They are indispensable to our society and should be recognised.
Oh my life Eleanor….that poem! 😭
I’ve just dropped my son, my younger child off for his final year of uni and my daughter has just moved into a flat and started a first job after graduating this summer. Somehow this time feels so much more ‘empty nest’ than previously. Maybe because they’ve been so boomerangy what with Covid and well, just being students who come home in the holidays. But it suddenly feels so much more final this time. This last time of dropping one of them off at the beginning of a university year.
Many thanks for this. Love what you wrote. My babies are visiting the nest in two weeks for my seventieth birthday celebration - coming from three different states. So sweet and bittersweet. Sending you hugs on your journey.