The Queenager | Eleanor's Letter
The hell of parenting an anorexic teen: we know what is it like and help is at hand...
Dear Queenagers
I got a call this morning from a dear friend whose 13-year-old daughter has an eating disorder. She’d had to sleep with her in her bed overnight, had terrible rows over getting her to eat supper and had reached rock bottom after breakfast was a warzone too. If that sounds familiar, we have got your back. I know about this from my own bitter parenting experience as do so many others. I also know how lonely this space is; you can’t chat to friends or family about it because it intrudes on the child’s privacy and even if you could, they just wouldn’t understand the devastation which is now your life.
There is a wonderful article on Noon which reflects how tough this can be (have a read, I promise it will be comforting). Because I have really been there I am setting up a Noon Group, headed by our Advisory Board member Annie Pesskin A psychoanalytic psychotherapist in private practice and for the NHS. She runs groups for parents of teens and forensic psychology teams. She blogs on all things mental at www.psychoanalysisinotherstories.com. Annie is suggesting a fortnightly anonymous group for parents under huge pressure where you can share your stories, get good advice and be comforted yourself.
Being a parent to an anorexic teen is like going back to having a newborn. It also makes you feel so guilty and inadequate. If you could do with some support - and from the number of conversations I have with people about this I know there is a demand - then join the group.
The first session will be on Tuesday 12th July at noon - if you are interested email me in confidence eleanor@inherspace.co.uk and we’ll send you a special Noon link. There will be a charge of £20 each to cover the therapist’s time. The group will be small. Do pass this on to anyone you think needs it.
And hang in there - they do get better. I promise!
Eleanor
Prayers. I went to high school 1980-84. Most of my friends took laxatives and we ate salad with no dressing for lunch. I had low self esteem ( my mom is rather narcissistic & it had an effect on all of us). I became an alcoholic at 16, until 27& relapsed at 30 briefly. I had married an abusive man. (Both grandfathers were violent abusers) left for good at 30.
My mom believes to this day it skipped her generation! Back in the 1980’s it was fashionable to be “ x - ray thin” . I’m sure the help available is better than back then. There’s a place ( think it’s still there) in Saratoga New York that helped some of my friends. 4 winds, I think. They had a kitchen to eventually help everyone overcome the unnatural relationship with food & intensive 2-8 week therapy. I understand, because at that age, food was the only thing we felt we had any control over in our various circumstances. ( I was there for help with my ptsd acquired during my brief marriage. )